"And no, Clones, lunch won't be on the itinerary. I don't break bread with idiots." —John in New Hampshire via C-Town, January 26, 2011

John in New Hampshire via C-Town, formerly John in C-Town, is an old-school clone from the beginning of national syndication.

When he was John in C-Town, he would frequently reference the Cleveland, Ohio, Rome affiliate's "monkey", or program director. He coined the term "banging the monkey", which means lobbying one's program director. He took credit for bringing several tour stops to Cleveland, frequently having "lunch with the monkey" to get Rome to the affiliate.

John was known for his conservative leanings, and frequently acted as a foil to Trapper in Dana Point. This led in December 2000 to the infamous "tandem call", where John in C-Town visited Trapper and the two got on the same line to talk to Rome at the same time. The two got serious heat from the Jungle clones for the act. When John tried to make it the subject of his 2001 Smack-Off call, he was run.

John still calls Rome from time to time, but has not participated in the Smack-Off since 2001. Usually, however, Rome interrupts his calls by fading into the "John in C-Town mix", a mix of his various comments that focuses on his obsession with "monkeys".

When a new program director at John's old station, WKNR in Cleveland, started jerking with the show in early 2011, John called and said he was coming into town, and may go have a chat with the new monkey (sans lunch; refer to the quote up top).